i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
