Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
