I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
