Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
