i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
