I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
