Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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