I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
