i permit you to call me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
