the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
