So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
