I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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