your room smells of hookers.
And success
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
