Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
