You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
