I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
