hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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