Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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