I hate your face
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Randomize
