He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
