You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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