Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
