My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i will never coherently bang her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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