what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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