you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
