Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
