I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
