ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
