i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
