That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
