my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
even my farts smell like vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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