lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sorry about my life...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
