Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My feet surprised me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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