She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
