He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize