Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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