Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize