dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
