Ketchup is God's man juice
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
