You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
