you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
