Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
