I just cut my nipple shaving
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
