I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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