So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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