I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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