I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
