I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
