Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
