i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
