I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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