Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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