im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
