He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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