Your tits are I can't wait for
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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