what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
