i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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