dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
