My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
