just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
