so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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