I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
