i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
