Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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