Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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