from now on my penis is your penis
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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