Fine. I'll sleep in my office
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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