so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
