i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
