I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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