He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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