There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
