the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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