All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
